Crossing the Line
by Brometheus
Summary: "I missed you too." Allen said softly. Lavi's heart thundered in his chest at the words and he looked up slowly.
1. Chapter 1

Lavi knew that he was straddling a very fine line when it came to Allen Walker. The Bookman knew it too, but kept his wrinkled mouth closed and his long nose in his logs for now. Lavi found himself grateful for that when he found himself staring at the scroll he used to keep notes on The Destroyer of Time. Said scroll had long since become useless- more of a rough draft than an official log- yet Lavi found himself running his fingers over his own perfect script. His eye roved over words he had long since memorized, looking for something he knew wasn't there.

Lavi did not _understand_ Allen Walker. The redhead heaved a long sigh, pulling his headband down to sit around his neck as he carded his fingers through his unruly hair. His notes had briefly ended over the period of time he'd thought Allen dead- a time when he should have reviewed and compiled the relevant information into a complete log.

With a glance around the library to ensure his solitude, Lavi set down his papers and retrieved a worn card from the inside pocket of his coat and looked at it. It was lucky he hadn't gone through the effort in the end, he mused, tracing the shape of the ace of spades with his eye. Allen hadn't died. He leaned his head back and put the card over his good eye, resting his hands on his chest and turning his thoughts over in his mind.

The _reason_ he hadn't paid due diligence to his logs was troubling him. Lavi- the persona- was invested in the well-being of his fellow exorcists, his friends. It was a necessary part of being an exorcist and blending in with the culture of the Black Order. They were a tight knit bunch of warriors and supporters and in order to properly record them, both he and the Bookman had to become part of that network in their own ways. The pain he felt at the death of companions- exorcists and finders alike- was real to "Lavi", but that was it. It was supposed to be superficial; It was an act that he put on in order to remain within the fold of the other exorcists. He'd never found himself hesitating to put together a final scroll for other members of the Black Order. More often than not, he'd sent the logs along to their appropriate resting place before the ink had dried on the word "deceased" under the subject's name.

Allen had been different.

Allen was always different.

Lavi had found himself staring at the card for hours when he could have spent time making Allen's "Final" record. He'd burnt the spade into his mind until it seemed to be all he could see. Black, white, and just a little bit of maroon on the left corner where it had sat in what was presumed to be the blood of one Allen Walker. There was something more to the pain he'd felt then. Lavi refused to examine it the way he'd looked at the stray playing card because that seemed easier- and it seemed easier to avoid the scroll labeled "Allen Walker" too.

Of course, it had all been pointless once they were reunited, but Lavi found himself avoiding the human being labeled "Allen Walker" for some time as well. There was a rawness that was irritated at the sight of him that Lavi found himself unable to examine before they were- literally and figuratively- thrown into the fire. The thought made Lavi wrinkle his nose and he heaved another sigh.

An obnoxious slurp jolted him from his musing and he was up like a shot, sitting straight-backed in his chair and blinking dumbly as the card fluttered to the table.

"Ah, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" The subject of Lavi's musing asked innocently, blinking his grey eyes slyly from across the table.

"Uh." Lavi said smartly, before he scrambled to snatch the card and his notes off the table before Allen got too good of a look at them, "You didn't!"

"You sure? It did sort of look like you were napping on the job there." Allen said, taking another sip of his tea as Lavi shoved the card back into his breast pocket. Lavi huffed a little as Allen raised a slender eyebrow.

"Anything I say here's gonna sound like an excuse, Beansprout." Lavi sighed, flopping back against his chair once any sensitive information was covered up.

Allen's smile twitched slightly, but he just rolled his eyes with a mock-exasperated sigh, "Well, that would most likely be because it is an excuse, Lavi."

"Uh huh. So what brings you to my neck of the stacks?" the redhead waved off Allen's playful scolding, noting the mug of tea that Allen had probably brought for him. He frowned a little, wondering how he'd missed the sound of Allen's approach, let alone the sound of two mugs being put down and Allen pulling up a chair.

"I heard you'd been holed up here for a while, so I thought I'd bring you a warm beverage."

"So you did." Lavi picked up the pink mug and took a sip. Movement caught his eye and he turned his head to see Timcampy settle on top of a nearby bookshelf and wrap his tail around himself.

The two of them sat in silence for a long moment, each looking into the mugs they held as if they'd have answers. Lavi felt his eyebrows raise a little, unbidden, when he noticed a single stem floating in his cup. He took a long drink, looking back down and felt a little relieved to see it gone.

"We… haven't talked as much, lately." Allen said finally, looking up to meet Lavi's eye.

"Yeah, I guess so." Lavi shrugged, glancing to the side, "I've been playing catch up with Bookman."

"Yeah, you're a busy guy, huh…" Allen pulled a face and looked down again, looking for words. Lavi felt his head turn to Allen again and he watched the boy fidget for a moment, before a conspicuous absence dawned on him.

"How'd you ditch Link?"

"Huh? Oh, uhh, he had a meeting…" Allen started, a little grin on his face again as he tipped his head to the side, "and he didn't lock the window."

Lavi laughed, feeling some of the tension leave his chest, "How long till ol' two spots notices you're gone then?"

"Maybe an hour?" Allen shrugged.

"You're gonna get your ass beat, but I guess I needed a break from work anyway."

"Oh, it's not my Arse that'll get anything, I'm sure he'll drag me away by the ear like a school teacher." The white haired youth wrinkled his nose, looking a little affectionate. Lavi chuckled and shook his head, leaning forward and looking across the table at his friend.

"I don't get you, Allen." Lavi said with only a drop of seriousness to his voice. Allen looked at him, drawing his eyebrows together slightly and leaning back in his chair comfortably.

"I can't say I'm especially complex."

Lavi snorted at Allen's airy tone, shaking his head, "Yeah, you're not complex and I am actually a parrot."

"Lavi want a cracker?" They both laughed over their mugs and the pages scattered across the table.

"I missed you." Lavi said, unbidden. Allen blinked a little, looking as surprised as Lavi felt.

"Well you could have said hello a little sooner, then."

There was a softness in Allen's voice that settled over the rawness in Lavi's chest, and he looked away, feeling his cheeks redden a bit. He ran his fingers over the smooth glass of his mug and ran a hand through his hair again.

"Yeah…"

Silence hung between them like spider thread- silvery and delicate as they both avoided looking at each fixed his eyes to the cherry wood table, considering his options.

"I missed you too." Allen said softly. Lavi's heart thundered in his chest at the words and he looked up slowly. His eye rested on the soft smile, then the crinkled nose, and then the pale eyes of the boy in front of him and Lavi felt his mouth go a little dry.

Allen opened his mouth to say something else, but was abruptly cut off by the doors opening with a bang that echoed through the entire floor, followed by Link's enraged shout of "Walker!". He grinned and hopped up, holding up his hands defensively.

"Hey now, I was just with Lavi-" Link would hear none of Allen's defences and all but lifted the complaining teen over his shoulder and marched towards the door to the library. Allen caught Lavi's eye and offered an apologetic smile before vanishing through the door with his watchdog, leaving Lavi alone in the stacks again.

Lavi looked down at the table at the scarcely covered up scroll that he had been reading and knew that he had crossed the line.

Also posted to A03: /works/4520307/chapters/10283091

This playlist was a big part of writing this: /bellsproutsalad/i-wrote-you-into-my-verse


	2. Chapter 2

"Have a minute?" Allen asked, making Lavi look up from the book he'd be reading. The white haired youth smiled apologetically and sat beside Lavi when he nodded, looking up at the sky above them.

"I guess so." Lavi said, bumping his shoulder against Allen's lightly. The boy had developed something of a knack for evading Link for just long enough to hold a conversation it seemed, because he was alone again.

The sun was setting over the small leisure area on the top of the tower and the impressive view usually drew more people but a light rain in the early afternoon had driven off most of the usuals.

Allen stayed silent for several beats, frowning uncharacteristically. Lavi kept his eye trained to him, committing the curve of his cheek to memory unconsciously. The deep red of the scar on his cheek looked rough to the touch and- not for the first time- Lavi found himself carefully restraining himself from raising a hand to trace it.

"I'm… kind of. struggling right now." Allen said finally, looking down at his lap.

"You?"

"Haha, yeah." He paused, glancing at Lavi, then at the door. Lavi followed his gaze and saw an annoyed Howard Link stop mid stride. Lavi glanced at his friend who tilted his head a little, and the Crow sighed, turning and vanishing around a corner.

"Is it to do with him?"

Allen shook his head, rubbing his face, "No, but… I think he can tell? He's a hard read."

"I'll say. So what's up?" Lavi took a moment to bookmark the text and close it, looking up at his friend.

"I…" He bit his lip and looked away, looking for words. Lavi stretched on the bench a bit, holding in a yawn.

"Sorry."

"No need to be sorry, Allen." Lavi's voice was softer than he'd intended but it seemed to help. He could see a little bit of the tension in Allen's shoulders melt.

"I've been… sort of. I guess… worried about the future. and… and the past too."

"Those are two pretty broad categories. I'd probably be better off helping with the past though. Kinda my schtick." That drew a little smile to Allen's face, "Maybe you could tell me a bit more, though?"

Allen nodded, turning something over in his mind, "After… I lost my arm I… was pretty hopeless, for a bit, I guess. But, then I got it back and…" His voice dropped to a quiet murmur that left Lavi straining to hear, "I think, for the first time I thought maybe I wouldn't… die so young."

Lavi blinked. Allen continued.

"I mean, of course, exorcists don't… usually last forever. I know. I've accepted that I couldn't- that I wouldn't… be like Tiedoll or Bookman ever. Even Komui, probably. But… But with crown clown I thought maybe… Maybe there was a chance that I wouldn't die in whatever showdown that this all ends in."

Lavi hummed a little, considering that, "But…?"

"But… with… the ark and Mana's… past. I don't know what anything I've done up till now means anymore. I don't understand what's happening, or why it's happening. It feels like whatever hope I had is gone and I feel like I'm left even without what kept me going before."

Lavi nodded slowly, leaning to the side and putting his arm around Allen who jumped a little, looking up from his lap. The redhead smiled sympathetically and glanced away, squeezing Allen lightly.

"I… I understand."

Allen leaned his head on Lavi's shoulder, and Lavi felt his own heart flutter in his chest a little. He swallowed and rubbed Allen's arm gently, feeling himself look for more words to comfort the younger boy.

"I dunno what else to say, Al. I… I've sort of been struggling with something like that too though, since you- um. well, I guess around the same time." Lavi felt Allen shift to look up at him and deliberately turned his head away, face flushed. His mouth was a little dry.

"That's comforting but… if it feels like anything I feel about the whole thing, I'm sorry." Allen said softly, and Lavi was glad he wore a scarf. He thought that Allen must be close enough that his breath would have lingered on Lavi's neck as he spoke.

"I think… the root's real different but the questioning is probably more or less the same? I dunno though, I'm not good at guessing that kind of thing."

They quieted for a few minutes and Lavi closed his eyes, not wanting to let go of Allen when he shifted away and looked out over the edge of the guard rail. He did, after a moment.

"I'm sorry to… come and be depressing." Allen smiled a little, eyes still on the horizon, "I didn't really think I could explain this to anyone else."

"I'm glad you did." Allen looked at Lavi questioningly for a moment, "Come here and be depressing that is." Allen smiled again and nodded.

"What do you think?" He asked.

"About?"

"What I said."

"Do you mean what I think will happen?" Allen nodded and Lavi considered his answer, taking in Allen's face. His gut coiled at the idea of lying to him, so Lavi turned his eye away for a moment.

"I think that… People are funny." Allen raised an eyebrow at that and Lavi raised his hands, "You're probably right to feel hopeless or cheated or whatever. Things never go as smoothly as we'd like. But, I also am pretty sure that you're going to keep going regardless. Partially because you don't know what else to do, and partially because you're doing the right thing."

"You think I'm doing the right thing?"

Lavi shrugged, "The right thing can mean a lot of things." Allen seemed to consider that, fiddling with the glove on his left hand.

"Okay, I think I understand."

"You sure I wasn't goin' too fast for ya?" Lavi said, leaning in and raising his eyebrow meaningfully. Allen rolled his eyes and gave him a light punch to the shoulder.

"I'm being serious here."

"Me too! I'm offended you think I'm not serious."

Allen cracked another smile at Lavi and shook his head with an exasperated sigh. They both leaned in a little before Lavi leaned right back, turning away and crossing his arms with a huff.

"Oh don't give me that, you're not mad at all."

"I'm enraged."

"Uh huh."

"Allen, you don't take me seriously."

Allen laughed and shook his head, looking down and smiling, eyes crinkling in a way that made Lavi's heart flutter again. He rubbed his chest lightly and sighed loudly, looking up and pulling a face.

"I _guess_ I'll forgive you though, because I'm literally a saint."

"Yeah, you're a saint and Cross is my uncle." They both laughed at that, and allen shook his head, "How much longer do you think I have before Link drags me off?"

Lavi leaned over Allen's shoulder to look, seeing the blonde lurking near the corner with his face as constipated looking as ever.

"Hmm, I'd give it five minutes or so? Maybe ten if you pout." Allen Huffed and Lavi grinned, pointing at him, "Yes, just like that!" Allen slapped the hand away and wrinkled his nose.

"Oh uh, before I forget." He said, making Lavi blink, "Thanks."

"Thanks?"

"For listening, you know." He smiled sheepishly and Lavi rolled his one eye dramatically before giving the boy a look.

"You don't have to thank me, Beansprout."

"You're making me wish I didn't, Cyclops." Lavi gasped and grabbed Allen, giving him a noogie as he complained loudly, drawing Link over to them with a stern look on his face.

"Are you two just about done?" He said and Lavi hummed, tapping a finger to his chin with one hand and keeping his other arm around the whining and struggling Allen.

"Almost, just like, three more noogies."

"Lavi!"

The redhead laughed and released Allen to Link's custody. He huffed and puffed as he smoothed out his hair and Lavi thought he might have caught Link's lip twitching upwards the slightest bit.

"We've got a schedule for the rest of the day, Walker."

"Yes, I know." He sighed, and looked at Lavi, "Talk to you later."

"I'll be around." Lavi said reassuringly, and the pair once again left him as the sun took its final bow below the horizon. He continued to sit there even though it was long past too dark to read and frowned.

An ache settled somewhere in his chest as he mulled over everything in his mind. Lavi sighed and laid out on the bench, looking up as the stars started to wink into the sky and stare down at him coldly.

He wondered idly what his Master would say if he discovered that Lavi had fallen hopelessly for a subject of their study. He couldn't even really point out the exact moment that had set him on this path. As far as lavi could remember- which was very well- He'd done everything right. He'd behaved in a way that was coherent with both the persona he had crafted and the standards he'd been trained in. He'd kept consistent, unbiased logs. He'd interacted just as deeply with other people had had no problem.

And now he was in love with a doomed boy.

His hand drifted to just over his jacket's pocket. He couldn't feel it, but he traced the outline of where the card laid over his heart and wondered why it was Allen, of all people. His heart beat fast and hard in his chest and he briefly wondered how long Allen would even be alive from this point before he squashed the thought.

Pain made him squeeze his eyes shut anyway and Lavi felt as if he'd been stabbed for a second. Slowly, he breathed in and let it out. Allen wasn't long for this earth, he knew. They both did.

Lavi thought perhaps he could still be a Bookman if he did not indulge. If he held himself back and let the rest of Allen's life run its course, he could fall back into the familiar ways of before. He wouldn't fall into such a trap again. He looked up at the unforgiving stars and wondered how much it would hurt when Allen died.

"Lavi" Would have to die that day too. Bookman junior could live through that, but Lavi didn't think he could.

A/N: Well here is a very late chapter two. way to go me.


	3. Chapter 3

It was dark.

He'd had that thought before, but he kept forgetting how long it had been since it'd recurred to him. He thought that it must have been a while since he'd been visited last, but he had no way to prove it really. It would explain the confusion that settled over his mind like a heavy blanket, at least.

Footsteps in the hall made him jerk, but he made himself still.

Lavi didn't move when the door opened, light spilling into the room from the hallway. He kept his eyes closed and hoped that he was being brought food and water. There was a murmur from outside. A voice he recognized as Tyki Mikk's, and another that his mind couldn't place in the haze it was in.

He was trained, of course, to withstand the worst the world could offer and maintain enough mental fortitude to continue recording his surroundings but his body was human. He licked his lips and tried to remember if he'd passed out recently but came up empty. His head was tipped back and a groan slipped past his lips, unbidden.

It felt like he was rubbing sand against his eye when he cracked open his eyelid, seeing the black haired Noah look down at him, amused. He poured some water into Lavi's mouth- enough to make him choke in surprise and get a few mouthfuls down. His body was heavy and aching but his mind sharpened enough to focus his eyes on Tyki. The man smiled and fed him some more water before letting Lavi's head flop back down to his chest, well aware that the redhead couldn't lift it again.

"You sure we shouldn't just kill him at this point?" There was an edge in Tyki's voice that made Lavi try to raise his eyes.

"No. Allen wants to see him." The other voice said smoothly. Lavi frowned, trying to place it but not being able to come up with a face that matched.

"Yeah? Not the girl?"

"Well, I'm sure he wants to see her too, but he wants to see the Bookman Apprentice the most." The voice was decisive and Tyki chuckled, running his fingers through Lavi's hair.

"I'm surprised." There was a rustle of fabric from the door, and Lavi could only assume the speaker made some gesture- a shrug or wave of the hand, maybe, "We don't have time for that right now though." Tyki said, lifting Lavi's head again and feeding him a small bit of bread. Lavi chewed ravenously, looking at Tyki then trying to see over his shoulder. The man didn't move, holding Lavi in place so that the door was perfectly blotted out.

Lavi's heart was pounding in his chest and he wondered if he was having a heart attack, swallowing the bread and accepting another piece from Tyki's fingers like a stray dog. The other person walked around his bad side, a hooded shadow in the corner of his limited peripheral vision. He tried to turn his head to get a look, but Tyki kept his head in place.

"Does the Earl know you're here?"

"Of course he does. It's part of our agreement."

Tyki grunted and shoved the last of the food into Lavi's mouth, letting his head drop again. Lavi let his head roll to the side, eye straining to see. Well worn black boots were all he could see and he frowned, watching them walk around to the front of the chair. The toe tapped lightly and a hand- smaller than Tyki's rested on his head for a moment, smoothing a limp curl out.

The hand slid down, cupping Lavi's cheek for a moment before lifting his head up. Lavi felt the urge roll his eyes at the theatrics, but when his eyes met gold everything stopped.

Allen's face wore the wrong expression, and the golden eyes sized him up with a glint of indifference. Then he smiled, a little too lopsided and a little too cocky and Lavi wondered if this was what getting stabbed felt like. He couldn't tear his eyes away, but every second he looked it felt as if his heart was being squeezed in a vice.

"Allen's got weird taste." Neah said in Allen's voice, with Allen's mouth. Lavi realized he hadn't recognized Allen's voice then and another shard sank into his chest.

"I'm not sure you're one to talk." Tyki said, drolly.

Neah shot a look over his shoulder then turned back to Lavi with a contemplative stare. He leaned his head back gently so it was cradled in the back cushion of his chair and stood tall, still just... Looking.

"Al...Len..." Lavi wheezed out, licking his lips and taking a moment, "d...dead? Is he..."

"No." Neah said, putting his hand on Allen's hip, "For now."

Lavi closed his eye, clenching his teeth and trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He didn't want to see any more, didn't want to think, but he tried to make himself stay together. He heard Tyki chuckle and some more water was splashed on his face, making him jump and peek his eye open again.

"You should drink more, Lavi. You need to regain your strength before we can proceed." Neah said lightly, turning his head to glance at the door. Lavi saw the light dance across the grey skin and the scar on his cheek and felt his stomach turn.

"Proceed?" Lavi ground out, glancing between Neah and Tyki.

"Mhmm." Neah's skin shifted in the blink of an eye, turning to the ghostly white Lavi remembered. Allen's face smiled at him and for a second, Lavi could have believed that it was the boy he loved in front of him.

"Leave him a pitcher of water out with a straw or something. How long will the paralysis take to wear off?"

Tyki shrugged, looking annoyed, "Not my ability. Get one of the Akuma to give him water or something."

Neah smiled and tilted his head, "Ah, right, I'm sorry." The taller man walked to the door and vanished into the hallway with a huff, and Neah watched the door for a moment before moving to follow him. He stopped and looked over his shoulder at Lavi and smiled again, then closed the door behind him and left Lavi alone in the dark.

Lavi's heart thundered in his chest and he closed his eyes against the darkness of the room, hoping that Neah hadn't lied to him when he said that Allen was still alive in that body. His mind whirled around in panicked circles, trying to make something coherent of the scene he'd witnessed. He came away with very little, and gave up, resigning himself to the ache in his chest and the weight of the stale air in the room.

A/N: hello naughty readers its suffering time,


	4. Chapter 4

Dread ate away at whatever starvation had left of Lavi's stomach lining as he followed an akuma through the ancient castle he had apparently been held in. He tested the cuffs around his wrist and his eyes scanned the walls for any sign of escape. The doors they passed were all ajar- revealing rooms in various states of decay. Some had other akuma inside them, scrubbing away the age and repairing or removing moulding furniture. The windows were curtained.

Lavi sighed through his nose, bringing his hands up to his mouth and absently chewing on his thumb, turning his eye back to the Akuma leading him through the maze of halls. He'd been cuffed and told to follow once he'd finally been able to move again. Each step seemed to send a creak through Lavi's bones that would have normally worried him, but seemed more of a hinderance than anything.

The Akuma stopped in front of an ornately carved door and turned to Lavi, who stopped several steps back. The Akuma pulled him forward and took a moment to unlock the cuffs, still silent. Lavi considered saying something but glanced at the door, feeling his stomach turn a bit. When his wrists were free, he stepped back again and the Akuma turned back to the door, opening it and standing to the side.

Lavi eyed it warily, then looked at the gaunt-faced demon, "Um?"

"Go in." It said, sounding uninterested. Lavi looked at the slightly open door again, then at the Akuma. He swallowed and moved forward, pushing the door open and slipping in. The door was pulled shut behind him, and Lavi found himself in a bedroom.

It was repaired to what Lavi assumed to be its original glory- a fine rug spread on the floor, the wooden furniture gleaming with polish, the heavy curtains pulled open to let sunlight spill in and Lavi squinted, surprised by the natural light.

The sound of a cup being set on a saucer drew his attention and he looked at the table, seeing Allen sitting in one of the plush chairs. Neah. Allen's body.

He smiled.

"Have a seat." Neah gestured calmly to the chair across from him. Lavi looked at it numbly for a moment before dragging his body over and easing himself down.

"What do you want."

Neah clicked his tongue disapprovingly, picking up his tea again and searching for something in his pocket, "It's nice to see you again as well. You're welcome for saving your life."

"Yeah."

Neah looked at him for a long moment, sipping from the teacup and setting it down with deliberate slowness.

"He wants to see you."

Lavi sucked in a breath, closing his eyes for a moment then opening them slowly.

"It's all a real mess, if you ask me. One of his conditions was to be able to see you. He forgets that he agreed to this in the first place, but I suppose I am dealing with a very different Allen, now." Neah continued, a rueful look on his face and a note of mourning in his voice.

"A... different Allen? Conditions?" Neah shrugged, pouring Lavi a cup of tea and taking a sip of it before sliding it across the table. Lavi didn't touch it.

"It's complicated. In any case, there is something you need to agree to before we proceed."

Lavi knew he looked unimpressed, but he leaned his elbows on the table and his chin on his palm. Neah smiled at him and held up a small black hammer. Lavi froze.

"That-"

"Yes, this is your innocence." Neah said flippantly, twirling it around his fingers, "If you want to see Allen, you agree to use this in the way we tell you to."

Lavi nearly blurted out an agreement but he stopped, inhaling and taking a moment, "What… way will that be?"

"Hmm, what way indeed." Neah closed his hand around the hammer and clenched, cracking it. Lavi felt something inside him tremble and his hand darted forward, grabbing at Neah's wrist.

"No!"

"Calm down, Bookman." Neah said, almost playfully. He shook Lavi's hand off and opened his hand- the right hand, Lavi noted dimly- and blew lightly on the remains of the hammer. Dust flew off until there was nothing left but a black cube floating lazily above the Noah's hand. Lavi stared at it uncomprehendingly for a moment, then his eye widened and he slowly raised it to Neah's face.

"You can't be serious?"

"Why would I joke?"

Lavi leaned both elbows on the table and threaded his fingers together, pressing his lips to them and staring at Neah for a long moment. Lavi's chest throbbed worryingly and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Why… would you want me to become a crystal type exorcist?"

"I'm fairly certain of something, but… by doing so I think I can confirm it."

Lavi couldn't look away from the cube, wondering when his innocence had decided that this was the path to take. He closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair, rubbing his grubby forehead. He knew what he was going to say, but fear churned through his blood anyway.

"Well, I suppose if you don't want to-"

"I'll do it." Lavi snapped, thrusting out a shaking hand. Neah smiled and flicked a stray lock of hair out of his eyes, letting the cube drop into Lavi's hand.

It felt almost electric when it touched his skin and Lavi thought his heart was going to break his ribs from how fast it was pounding. The little black cube melted and pooled in his hand, shimmering like oil. He must have been moving through water, he thought as he slowly raised his hand to his lips. Everything around him seemed muted and far away, so he closed his eyes and tipped his head back.

Lavi noted that innocence did not taste like much.

And then he screamed.

He was aware of nothing but someone moving him, of the sound of something ripping, something cracking, and incredible pain in his chest. For what must have only been a moment, nothing moved under his ribs. His heart had stopped mid-beat, and unnatural stillness settled over his chest. The torn remains of his shirt slid over his sides and he struggled to look down in horror as a cross was cut out of his chest from the inside. The Stigmata burned red against his skin and the nearly black blood rose out of the wound. Lavi felt his heart re-start and thrum in his chest like a trapped hummingbird.

His blood must have been boiling inside of him as he lifted his hand weakly, touching the shifting mass of innocence. It wrapped around his hand and Lavi felt the wind rush out of his lungs. Then with a flash of green his hammer laid in his palm, gleaming and translucent. Lavi blinked slowly, panting hard and pushing himself up to look at the weapon.

"Just as I thought," Lavi jerked in surprise and looked up at Neah, trying to blink the haze out of his mind, "Right over the heart." The Noah laid his hand over the new wound and Lavi winced a little, looking up at him.

"A...h?" An intelligent response, but it was just about all Lavi could force out of his throat.

"Well, with Lenalee having the stigmata on her legs and Kanda having it on his wrists… I thought it might be logical that you have it here." Neah pressed on Lavi's chest a little and he wheezed in pain.

"O-On my chest…"

"No," Neah breathed, leaning in with an excited gleam in his eye, "On your heart." Lavi stiffened in realization, staring at Neah. He trembled a little, fingers clutching the handle of his newly formed innocence.

"You're not saying…"

"Yes."

"No! I can't be-"

"You are." Neah purred, and Lavi shoved him back to scramble onto his feet, panting hard and trying to wrap his mind around it. His innocence seemed to pulse ever so slightly with the beat of his heart and Lavi thought he was going to be sick.

"Well, you've held up your end of the bargain, I suppose. If you leave this room before we allow it, he will die." Neah waved his hand flippantly, as if he considered Allen's death an afterthought.

Lavi nodded mutely, leaning heavily on his innocence. Neah closed his eyes and the grey tint to his skin seemed to bleed out of him and he wobbled on his feet. He shifted his weight to keep his balance, shoulders dropping a few degrees. His stance changed to something defensive and his eyes snapped open again. He blinked and raised his head slowly, looking around the room, then at the unstable redhead.

"Lavi…?" Realization flooded Allen's eyes and both men lurched towards each other at once. Allen threw his arms around Lavi's neck and Lavi pulled him close, dropping his head to Allen's shoulder. A tear slid down Lavi's cheek, unnoticed, and soaked into the white cotton of the other man's shirt.


	5. Chapter 5

They held each other for a long time, eyes screwed shut and hands clenched in shirts. Allen exhaled shakily, tightening his grip on Lavi and slowly pulling back. Lavi did the same, looking up at Allen and smiling weakly.

"I think I'm struggling… right now." He said.

Allen laughed a little, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand, "You?"

"Yeah…" Lavi looked away and touched his chest lightly, and Allen's eyes followed the motion. His stormy eyes widened slightly and he looked at Lavi's face.

"Your heart…?"

"Yeah. Your evil twin seems to… to think this means I'm. The heart. I guess." Lavi ran his fingers through his hair. There was a hum inside of him that he didn't want to get too close to- a call from something that Lavi didn't understand and couldn't place. Allen looked at his chest again.

"You were worried about me?"

"Huh?"

Allen blinked, then looked embarrassed, "A-Ah. Well, Apocryphos said something about the heart being worried about me I think? I was a little preoccupied though."

"Well, whoever that is was… right I guess. I didn't have any idea what was happening to you and with everything that happened…"

Allen smiled and brushed his hand against Lavi's cheek, "Well, next time you're worried please don't send a living innocence to try and fuse with me. I think a letter would probably suffice."

"... What?" Lavi could feel the dumbfounded expression on his face and Allen laughed gently, shaking his head.

"Long story. I don't know that I'll… have enough time to explain."

They both looked down, standing close and hands still on each other. Lavi frowned, hyper aware of Allen's right hand resting on his shoulder. He licked his lips and looked up at the other boy, watching the way his face shifted as he thought.

"I don't know that either of us have enough time." He said softly, looking up at Lavi finally. Lavi nodded a little, meeting Allen's eye.

"No, we probably don't." Questions he should ask ran through his mind- things that would be relevant for logs, for the continued recording of the war and Allen's role in it, but Lavi's tongue stayed silent. He hadn't seen the Bookman in a long time.

They both leaned in at the same time, but Lavi didn't pull back. He hesitated pausing just far away enough that he could laugh it off if he had to, but Allen crossed that line. Soft lips pressed to Lavi's, chaste and warm. He thought his heart might stop again, but it stuttered along and sped up. Lavi felt Allen shift to slide his arms around Lavi's neck and he responded in kind, dropping his hands to Allen's waist.

Allen pulled back after a moment, leaning their foreheads together and looking at Lavi. Lavi smiled a little and kissed Allen again, closing his eye. the younger man sighed softly against him and deepened the kiss, making Lavi pull them together tighter, desperate to keep Allen in his arms.

They parted again, lips wet and pink. Lavi let out a laugh that he knew sounded forced- more of a bark than an actual laugh, really- and leaned his head against Allen's. He wasn't sure which one of them was shaking.

"I'm sorry, Allen."

"I knew things would pan out this way, mostly." Allen said, voice hardly louder than a murmur.

"Mostly, eh? What surprised you?"

Allen slid a hand down from Lavi's neck to his chest- resting the black left hand over the still tender wound, "This, for one. And also…" He leaned up again, pressing a short kiss to Lavi's lips and pulling back to let his breath ghost over them, "That, for another."

Lavi realized he was the one shaking.

"You and me both." The tremor in his voice made Allen pull back to look at him properly and Lavi turned his bad side to Allen to hide the tears threatening to fall again.

"Lavi?"

"Sorry, I just." He scrubbed his face and looked at Allen again, "It's not _fair_." The white haired youth looked surprised for a second, then smiled. Lavi didn't like the look of defeat in his eyes.

"No, its not."

"I'm scared." Lavi said, swallowing thickly, "And I… it hurts."

"It does." Allen took lavi's face in his hands, brushing his thumb against Lavi's cheekbones and looking at him, "I think we… did everything we could have though. I was… I've been doomed from the start. I didn't really want you to get pulled into it but here we are. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault I fell in love with you." The words were out of his mouth before Lavi had processed them, and he stiffened, staring down at an equally surprised Allen.

"Fell in-" Lavi made to pull away, embarrassed but Allen held him, staring unflinchingly into his eye, "Do you mean that?"

"I-I…" He hesitated, struggling with the part of his mind that his teachings from the Bookmen lived. There was a shine to Allen's eyes that he'd never seen before and Lavi found himself melting against it.

"Yeah. I do."

Allen let out a shuddering exhale and leaned his head on Lavi's shoulder, "What a mess."

Lavi nodded in agreement, leaning his head against Allen's and thinking about their options. He wondered if Neah would be generous with how much time he gave them and Lavi's heart ached. He hands started rubbing Allen's back absently, hoping it was some comfort to him.

It made Lavi feel better, somehow.

"You should run." Allen said finally, making Lavi start out of his thoughts.

"No."

"No? Lavi, if you really are the heart, the others need you." Allen pulled back, looking at him seriously.

"Absolutely not. He'll kill you." A pained look crossed Allen's face and he looked away, clenching his jaw.

"I'm already dead, Lavi. Neah won. The only reason I'm here at all is because he let me be here and… after this he's not going to keep me around."

Lavi wondered if heartbreak was supposed to be such a physical sensation.

They stood there, arms wrapped around each other, for a long few moments as Lavi let that sink in. Allen leaned against him. It hurt more than his innocence had.

"I want to be here. If these are your last moments, let me be here." Lavi didn't like how much it sounded like begging, but Allen looked up at him and it made his heart swell.

"... Okay." His voice was small and Lavi kissed him again, trying to push everything he was feeling into Allen through his lips. Regret. Desperation. Heartache. Uncertainty. But, above all else, Love.

Lavi's back hit the wall, which surprised him a little because he hadn't noticed himself moving but Allen pressed against him and kissed him back with the same desperate enthusiasm. Nothing around them mattered for a while.

He wasn't sure when, but they'd found their way to the ornate bed that sat to the far side of the room. Lavi sighed, pressing his nose to Allen's hair as he traced senseless patterns on Lavi's chest. They stretched out on the sheets together lazily, and if Lavi closed his eyes he could pretend that it wasn't the last time they could be like this. Pressed together in a tangle of warm limbs and lazy affection.

"Lavi," Allen said lightly, waiting for Lavi to rumble in response before continuing, "Will you pass along a few messages for me?" That drew a raised eyebrow, and Lavi peeked open his eye to look down at Allen.

"I just… I guess… tell everyone I'm sorry." He sighed, leaning his head on Lavi's shoulder again, "Lenalee especially. I broke my promise."

"... I'll let them know."

"And tell Kanda you're welcome, and also that he's an idiot. Tell him to get out of the order as soon as he can."

Lavi chuckled a little at that but didn't say anything else, wrapping his arms around Allen and holding him close. Allen kept mumbling names and words meant for their ears and Lavi just listened, nodding, committing every word to memory. It didn't take Allen that long to run out of things to say and he sighed, closing his eyes.

"I'm tired." He said finally and Lavi nodded, "You should probably go now."

"Just another few minutes." Lavi said, leaning their foreheads together. Allen nodded and took Lavi's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"I love you too, you know." Allen whispered and Lavi felt himself start to tremble, "I should have said that before. I love you."

Lavi opened his eyes and looked at Allen's face. He was smiling and something in Lavi broke. He clutched at Allen, yanking him close so the other boy wouldn't see the pain on his face.

"Fuck. Shut up. Stop being… Just stop." Allen didn't fight him, holding him back and sighing against Lavi's skin.

"Sorry." Allen said as Lavi hiccuped and closed his eyes again, trying to pull himself back together. He was silent for a few minutes, giving Lavi enough time to compose himself before he whispered, "I don't think you have much more of a window before Neah makes it so you can't leave."

Lavi grit his teeth but sat up slowly, not looking at Allen. He eased himself out of the bed and heard the creak of the springs as Allen got out as well. Lavi's shirt was in tatters still but he got himself ready as well as he could.

Allen brushed past him, walking over to the window and gently pulling it open. A lazy breeze ruffled his hair as he looked at the redhead. Lavi walked over and took Allen's hand, looking at him seriously.

"Get home safe."

"Stay alive, if you can." He said but Allen just smiled, looking up at Lavi with eyes that said more than his words could have. Lavi leaned down and kissed Allen again, lingering for a moment before turning to the window and jumping out of it as he pulled his innocence from his chest.

He had barely thought the word extend before the head of his hammer was already hitting the ground, and the handle was stretching to get him away from the castle. Lavi landed in a tree not far away before repeating the motion, not looking back as he headed into the world with Allen's last words echoing in his mind.


	6. Chapter 6

Gnats buzzed in the air around Lavi's head as he walked up to the doors of the order, head down. The hat he wore helped block the sun, but his shoulders had long since started burning. Lavi had been unable to find a secure connection to call the order with, and he doubted that any aid from the Bookman clan would come for him, so he'd risked the travel alone.

It had been a relief to discover that the Noah stronghold was apparently a good distance away from the Order. It had been a hassle figuring out how to get there without money or even a proper shirt.

Still, he'd made it. He looked up to see some finders started approaching him so he straightened his back and forced a small smile. One of them looked confused, but the other grabbed his arm, looking very alarmed. They both backed up a bit and Lavi stopped walking, watching as the alarmed finder started talking into a small radio. Odd.

Lavi took another few steps forward, raising his hand in greeting, but the finders scurried back some more. They looked at each other, then at Lavi, and at each other again, whispering frantically. Lavi was too far away to hear what they were saying, but close enough to the end of his patience that he didn't care to wait for them.

"Hello?" Lavi called, approaching again. They held their ground this time, shaking slightly.

"H-Hello, um. This is a restricted area…" The confused finder stammered out, making Lavi raise his eyebrow.

"Yeah, I'm aware. I'm Lavi." The finders stared at him for a long few minutes in silence and Lavi shifted a bit under their scrutiny.

"Lavi."

"Yes?"

They went silent again, then something crashed into the earth beside him and Lavi staggered back in surprise. A red boot appeared where his head had been a moment before and he gulped, jumping back.

"Lenalee?!" He called, and she leapt up into the air again, fire in her eyes as she swung her leg at him. Lavi ducked the kick that would have surely removed his head had he not been a moment quicker, backing off immediately and putting a hand over his heart, "What are you doing?"

"Who _are_ you." She snarled, pulling herself up to her full height and glaring at Lavi so savagely he felt a shiver go down his spine.

"L-Lavi?"

"Don't lie to me. Are you Lulubell? How _dare_ you come here and take Lavi's form."

"Whoa, whoa, Lena, hang on-"

Lenalee did not hang on, launching herself at Lavi and swinging her leg at his chest in a roundhouse kick. Lavi did not have time to dodge and took the hit with a gasp. He was sent flying and hit the ground hard, rolling twice and coming to a stop on his back.

The click of Lenalee's heel on the ground as she approached him made him scramble up. She lunged at him again and Lavi grit his teeth, summoning his hammer just barely in time to block the attack. A shock went through the hammer when Lenalee's boot made contact and she let out a surprised shout, immediately backing off as Lavi pulled himself up.

"Holy fuck, Lena, I'm pretty sure you broke half my rib cage." Lavi wheezed, grateful that Lenalee's kick had landed on the side of his chest his heart rested in. He hoped it had minimized the damage.

"What… is that?"

Lavi leaned on the handle of his hammer, glancing down at the head, "What, this? It's my innocence, I guess."

"You guess." Lenalee was still on guard, her eyes darting between Lavi and the red hammer.

"Shit happens," Lavi flashed an exhausted smile at her, and she seemed to relax a bit, "Why the hell are you attacking me?"

"... Bookman said Lavi was dead."

Lavi stilled, swallowing thickly and frowning at Lenalee in confusion, "Dead? but…"

"Prove you're Lavi." Lenalee said, but her voice was shaking a little. Lavi raised his eyebrow a little and lifted up his innocence, spinning it around in a few shaky circles.

"That could be an illusion. Why is it red? how did you keep it from the Noah?"

"One thing at a time, Lenalee." Lavi sighed a little, deactivating his hammer now that the immediate threat of Lenalee putting her foot through his chest seemed to be gone.

"Are.. you a crystal type now?" Hope pushed his head up through Lenalee's voice and it made Lavi want to shrink away.

"Yeah."

She took a step towards him, eyes shining a little, "You're really Lavi?"

"Yeah…" He smiled a little and Lenalee took another few steps towards him, clearly wanting to believe him, "I mean, I guess your brother could x-ray me or take a blood sample or whatever else he wants to do to prove it but… Right now I just. I really want to rest."

She nodded and put her hand on Lavi's shoulder tentatively, leading him inside the order. The rest was a bit of a blur for Lavi- People happy to see him alive, being tested to prove his identity, eating something that Lenalee put in front of him, and finally getting carted off to his room.

He hadn't expected his master to be there.

They stared at each other for a moment, and the Bookman gestured for him to sit. Lavi glanced at the bed, sighing and taking off his boots before walking around the table and sliding into the chair across from his master. Looking at him made Lavi taste acid in the back of his throat, but he waited for his master to start.

"What did you see?"

Lavi sighed, shrugging one shoulder, "A lot of what I saw isn't usable. I was suffering from dehydration, starvation, and exhaustion through most of it."

"Tell me what you do remember."

Lavi fidgeted, staring at the table and beginning his story as the Bookman took careful notes. He tried to be brief and uninvested, but every time Bookman glanced up at him, he knew he was getting further and further from any sort of redemption.

"And… Then Lenalee Lee nearly destroyed my ribcage and I was then escorted here." lavi traced a pattern on the wood of the table and looked at the Bookman who was already rolling up the notes he had taken.

"Well. I suppose that wraps that up." He said shortly, making Lavi frown. He waited a beat, but neither of them moved.

"So… I guess I'm not an apprentice any longer." He said finally around the dryness of his tongue.

"No."

"What do I do now?"

The Bookman considered that, "If you survive the war, your memories of your time as a Bookman Apprentice will be erased. As such, it would cause too much change in your personality to erase them now, and thus would upset the current trajectory of events."

Lavi nodded, getting up and going over to his bed with heavy feet and a fog in his mind, "I'll put in for a room change tomorrow." He knew his voice sounded thick, but he didn't care. Allen's words echoed in his mind as he pulled off his shirt, He curled up in the bed with his back to his master, who sighed with disappointment and began work on a new scroll.

It was the next summer that Bookman ended that scroll, labeled with nothing but "Lavi - Deceased" and put it beside the other pile of scrolls he had been working on in the wake of the final battle of the Black Order.


	7. Chapter 7

In a kinder world, Lavi opened his eyes to the sound of a staticy radio at three am, groaning and rolling onto his side. He waited through a song before pushing himself out of bed and turning off the morning news that came on. As he dragged himself to the bathroom, Lavi thought about applying for some other job- anything else- that wouldn't have starting times at 4:30 am on a friday.

Shower. Brush teeth. Dry hair. Put in contacts. Dress.

Lavi yawned and headed out the door after grabbing an apple from his fridge. It was still dark, but the stars were starting to fade away as a strip of red peeked over the horizon. It was only five blocks or so from Lavi's apartment to his place of work, and another five if he had to walk to class , August had just started and he had some time before that particular hassle became a part of his day to day life again.

He'd gone three blocks when he remembered that it was _Friday_ and he had the weekend off, making him grin as he jogged the last couple of blocks to the little coffee house. His coworker greeted him sleepily, waiting for Lavi to unlock the door and let them both in.

Lavi started humming as they turned on the lights and music, then started warming up the machines for their early customers. The day started smoothly enough. The morning rush was handled and Lavi started cleaning for the lunch rush, humming along to the pop song of the summer as it played on the speakers. He only had an hour left on his shift and Lavi was already dreaming of taking a nap before actually doing something fun during the day.

He was considering slipping into the bathroom to text his roommate, Kanda, to see if he was willing to go out for a few beverages in the evening when someone caught his eye. A slim young man was putting in his order, smiling as he tucked a lock of his bleached white hair behind his ear. He laughed lightly at something Lavi's coworker said and Lavi felt his heart skip a beat as he kept sweeping the same spot over and over.

The young man glanced at Lavi briefly before taking his coffee cup from the counter and heading for the door. Lavi followed him with his eyes for a moment, then jumped when his coworker teased him about ogling the customers.

In a kinder world, Lavi made it home that afternoon for a long nap, and headed out that evening with is roommate and a few friends for a night at the pub. He was walking back to the table with a round of drinks when he saw that a local band was setting up for a set. He spotted a head of bleached hair and stilled for a moment, before hustling back to the table.

"Yuu! The person I was talking about earlier is here!"

"What?" Kanda replied, taking his cider from Lavi. Lenalee leaned in curiously, looking around the bar to see if she could spot anyone.

"What person?" She said, accepting the Sangaria Lavi handed her.

"Oh, you weren't here yet, Lena, I was just telling these two about someone I saw earlier at work."

"Yeah so the dude shows up here? I guess that means one of you is a stalker." Alma said from their spot beside Kanda, grinning mischievously.

"Excuse me." Lavi said, pressing his hand to his chest.

"You did invite everyone out." Kanda agreed, making Lavi sputter in mock outrage and Lenalee laugh.

"I didn't know he was going to be here, God." He said finally, taking a sip of his gin and tonic, "I can never catch a break with you guys."

"You bring it upon yourself." Kanda said, ignoring Lavi's whining in response.

"So are you going to talk to him?" Lenalee asked with a glint in her eye. Lavi laughed a bit and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Oh! Nah, that would be weird. Walking over and being like hey! I saw you at work, what's your number."

Alma rolled their eyes, "Alternatively, you could not do that but still talk to him."

Lavi fidgeted and sipped his drink again to avoid the crushing eyes of his friends. Or at least, the crushing eyes of Lenalee and Alma. Kanda was far too busy pretending to be too cool to care.

"I guess I could do that. I think he's part of the band or something though, so, I dunno I would have to wait."

"Avoidance." Lenalee tutted, and Lavi tossed his lime at her. She squawked at him and threw it back with much more force, moving the table to other avenues of conversation. They ordered food and laughed, the conversation flowing out of them.

Lavi excused himself from the table to use the bathroom, slipping out of his seat and heading towards it. On his way out, the lights dimmed a bit as the band started. A keyboard, drums, a guitar, playing something Lavi was pretty sure wasn't a cover.

In a kinder world, Lavi walked around the corner and stopped, seeing the white haired man lean into the microphone and begin to sing. It wasn't the lyrics that captivated Lavi- at least, he couldn't remember a single word of the song later- but the way the vocalist held himself, putting everything into the words he was singing without seeming like to was trying too hard.

Lavi wished that whoever had set up the mics had done a better job, because the young man's voice sometimes got washed out by the instruments around him. Lavi stayed there for three songs before he realized his friends were waiting for him and scurried over, red faced. They immediately tore into him and Lavi started complaining that he needed better friends.

The night wore on and eventually the band wrapped up. Lavi was thankful that his friends seemed to have left that part of the conversation alone.

"Geez it's hot in here." Alma complained lightly, taking a swig of the glass of water they'd switched to.

"Nah, that's just me, sorry." Lavi said playfully, making everyone at the table snort, "Wow, okay first of all."

"Oh get over yourself." Lenalee teased, prodding her friend's side until he gave in and laughed, swatting at her hand.

"Okay, okay, well, seriously I am probably going to sweat to death. I'm gonna step out for a second; anyone want to join me?" One by one, Lavi's friends turned him down and he shrugged, heading out through the door by himself and inhaling some of the night air. It wasn't particularly fresh air, as it was a downtown street on a Friday, but it was cooler. Lavi tugged on the collar of his shirt a little then rolled up the sleeves, glancing to the side when he heard a shuffle.

The white haired man was there, frowning at his phone and tapping out a text and Lavi froze, watching him for a little too long. The young man looked up from his phone and blinked, glancing over his shoulder then back at Lavi.

"Hi?" He said, in a distinctly uncertain tone that had Lavi tripping over himself.

"Oh! Um, hey, what's up. I liked your show."

The boy blinked and relaxed a little, smiling, "Oh, thank you."

"T-the third song was uh, my favourite, I think." Lavi said, stepping a bit closer to get out of the way of someone walking into the pub.

"You think?"

Lavi blushed, rubbing the back of his neck, "Yeah! The um… do do do…" he mimicked the movements of the piano and the other man laughed, covering his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Ohh, right, the do do do, that one is my favourite too."

"I'm pretty sure you're making fun of me." Lavi said, pretending to pout.

"I might be, a little." the white haired man said, and Lavi laughed, leaning on the brick wall beside the other boy, offering his hand.

"I'm Lavi Bookman."

The man looked at it, then at Lavi's face as he shook it lightly, a smile dancing on his face, "Allen Walker."

In a kinder world, the two of them exchanged phone numbers that evening. They did not face each other on a war torn field, one a living puppet, and the other long past caring. Instead, on that summer's evening, with the August air a protective blanket around them, they began something new, in a kinder world.

AN: aaand done! thank you all for reading. please review if you feel so inclined to! this is like, the first time I've actually finished something since like 2009. incredible.


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